she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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