i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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