why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
