The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
