I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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