Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
