Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
