I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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