we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
