Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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