He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
