Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
