i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
