Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize