honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
