I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
