Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
