My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize