im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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