note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
