Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
