i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
