Got a toothbrush?
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Randomize
