no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
