I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
