dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
