She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
