I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize