Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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