but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
