what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
