whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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