I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
