the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You left your phone here
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