I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
