about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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