I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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