When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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