Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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