The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
