I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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