She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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