Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Buhtt sex?
there's paper in my vomit.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
