Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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