i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
