Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
