I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
the raccoons are back...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
