So drunk its hurt
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
