So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
