Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
