We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you will always have a special place in my vag
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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