halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
