please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
dude. I can hear the air.
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