1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
