Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
