I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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