god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
