Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
