yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
