Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
