I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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