you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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