Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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