we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
