I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
