my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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