my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize