So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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