It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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