He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
