shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
