I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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