how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
