No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
