people are starting to question the shark bite story
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
