you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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