I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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