Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
