There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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