did you get engaged???
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize