Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
