I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
