The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
