dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
