Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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