How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
