Someone shit on the floor
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
