Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
