i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
