things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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