I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
