I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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