If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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