shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
