My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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