I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Terrible idea I love it
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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