Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize