When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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