My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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